Curious Hideout

Have I met you before? This I do not know, Have we met before, In our past lives. This yet to confuse. The lamp of my heart, Lit up, The hunger of my soul, Grows. To get close to you, To just hold your hands, The way you return my speech, The way you move your feet, The way your beauty shines at me, Your presence soothes my soul. The look in your eyes, Tells me that you need me, As much as I need you. The way you care for me, Tells me that you want me, As much as I want you. At the crossroads, I held your hand, ‘POOF!’ it’s all over, it’s just a dream. See that I never, Felt this way before, Towards a person, I never met before. The girl in my dreams, So real to me. When would it be? The next time I see, Such beauty in reality, & not in my dreams.

Weaker and weaker I turned to, My confidence soon turns to failure, All that I have becomes less, Never satisfied is what you made me. All that I have, isn’t appreciated, But to capture even more, More of the world, Slowly forgetting what pride means. So unsatisfied, Things of the world, Could not feed my hunger, What does my heart really wants, Finally things I longed, Is just at my doorstep, How long would it last I wonder, Will I finally be satisfied? Things of the world, I summoned you!

In a box full of apples, Yet there’s one that is rotten, One bad apple spoils the others, The box of apple brings joy into my heart, Each of it special in every way, Each of it was wonderful to devour. Yet there’s one bad apple, This continues to decay. Bit it by mistake, Slowly I am falling to the ground, A bright light appears, Soon death will come to redeem me. From where words come from, Blood comes dripping drop by drop, Drown in it, My once blank mind is overflow with flashes of pictures, Illusions from the very moment I bit it. For once I thought I might never get up, Cause of the disgust I feel for you, A sense I could not control, When you were not to be seen, I longed for you every minute, But once your presence is near, All I do is to be disgust even more, See that I could not forgive, Though how much I want to, Nothing you do will change, Just memories to last, And in reality, to hate the person in my fantasies.

Come on move on, Forget it, it’s the least, You want to think of. Half a year have past, That cut continue to last, No matter how I move on, Go on and restart the whole game, You will continue to haunt me, Go on---damn it, act in your play, I will no longer be a part of it, Nor will I be an audience of it. Go on with your lies and tricks, Deceived by an innocent act, Go on---don’t come back, You will never be welcome, For I have found true friendship, That I will throughly appreciate.

I do not want to commit this any longer, I do not want to fake this, Do not want to continue to act like a fool, Do not want that hole n your heart to grow bigger. To go and hurt a gentle heart, Never would I want anyone else, Suffer the same way I do, I am sorry for the things I did to you. For the pain I struggle, Is too much to endure, A soul like yours; will never, Be able to take it. I do not pray for the worst, Therefore I can’t go on like this no more, Never for me to share my love, But just to continue to hate myself. I am happy that you provide so much for me, Yet I have to say sorry, That I am not worthy of it, I am sorry dear, but I have to say, I don’t feel as much as you do, for me.

as stars continue to shine, so is my love for you, while birds sing in the sky, i will hold your hand tight, and bring you to the highest mountain there is to be, there we sit, till the sun goes down. i'll dive into the deepest ocean, just to get the pearl of your dreams, and swin the largest sea, to just cross over to you. fly up hig in the sky, and pluck a star for you, to see you smile is, all i ask for. for you to be happy, is enough for me, so tell me baby, just what to do to make you happy? to give up my future, i did for you, my pride, my dignity, my all, i throw away. all to do to please you, was it not enough? wasn't it what you ask for? was it just...wrong... i will never know your deep dark side, funny, that is after all this time, there is no way i could not see clear, i had to fall into your trap. in the end i see, it really wasn't enough, whether it was worth it? this i am still confuse.

So long time have past, And yet I wonder about you all this while, Why do have to leave me hanging? On the side of the cliff I held on. Just push me hard aside, Why so gentle towards break up, And your lies I treat as precious, Every single thing I believe were so true. And yet, no matter how perfect it was, Black dots begin to appear, I am sorry that I was not your cup of tea, But why kept on adding sugar to it? It became too sweet till it can’t be drunk, Till you have to vomit it out, The stain you left was never wipe away, It continue to stink till this very day. I am happy for you, For you found the one, Yet my bruise still hurts, It did not heal till today. Day after day person is added, And the wound continues to decay, Rotten and will not be heal, Time was my medication, and yet did not work, I seek extra dose of friendship, But no where to be found, I look to a new relationship, But have not the heart to go on. To break her heart…

why am i left here? behind the starting line i stand, everyone is now ahead of me, pacing their way through life, but i am left here, like an infant whose legs are weak. Behind the line i stand, watching them fight for victory, yet i am bound up by love, my legs and hand are all tied up, screaming in agony i shout for help, yet no one is at sight, i am left behind. i untie myself and make my feet strong, Now i take my step, but i can't move on, i try my best to pass this line, And try to boost my way through life, yet i am as slow as a snail could crawl, once again i am left behind.

Weak was what u made me, Never again strong to fight winds, But only to follow the current that leads. So tender for my heart broke so easily, My heart of wood has changed to glass, So easily for tears to flow right down my cheeks, So stupid for me to think of you. Never have I felt so weak, For such reason, I failed to see, That SPM is near, and I need to read, Yet thanks to a special friend to me, Whom awaken me to stand up and fight.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, Weeks, months, years, decades, From time to time, Not a single day will be the same. Nor does the weather that changes, Nor does the petals of a flower, Never will light shine for me, To lead me away from darkness, Shine no more, rays all gone, JUST…darkness… Firefly comes lingering, For once I saw it glittering, Amaze in awe, as I glance it flies, Is this dear bug capable to lead me to life? Lock in darkness, In eternal despair, To find a furnace, To burn in flares. As I have dream, For glitter to turn to flames, For blocks of bricks taken away, To find a land not conquer by PAIN.

An opportunity in front of me, I seize, But to appreciate it, I lack. A chance given to me, Taken lightly as dust in the air, For I have not grasp hold of it tighter, But held it loosely in a winter’s night. Forgive me, for I disappoint you, Should I let you feel secured, Instead I boast all I have, Above all, you were, Yet I lack my appreciation. Regret takes over, But only fades away, All has gone, eaten by time, No use looking back, Just have to lift up my head, And march on forward.

A wound bound up by plaster, Yet will not heal as time is given, Open up to feel the fresh air, Yet to breathe foul odor. Place a flower beside me, And as I scent once more, It will not be the same, As the first day it was laid beside me. Replace the flower with another, The feeling differ, Never will it be as alike As the flower before,

Wondered? Hav you ever wonder? Wonder about the pain that i go through, The fake smiles i put on my face, Just to cover up my disgrace. Joy & laughter is always in the air, but it seems so hard to grasp, & put it inside my heart, For just a moment it lasts, & out it goes to the yard. I hide tears, to show you i am tough, tears i cry at nite, to beg for a friend, the sun comes out, and so is my smile, to start a new day, and go on with life.

I owaz feel like dying Fell like taking a knife and juz pierce it into my heart. Watch my blood flow and slowly die as I run out of blood. That would easily ease my pain. It is so hard to breathe as I gasp for air, once again my heart soars. As tears rolled down my cheek I hope that I could reach for a knife and juz take my life away. I owaz feel like stabbing myself in the heart several times, because of the constant pain I suffer. It hurts so much now that if I stab myself, I would not feel any pain. I do not know what stresses me the most Izzit studies?---Friendship?---Family?---Or love? I suppose it juz adds up together to form one big tumor in my heart, blocking blood from reaching it. What is the main cause of my disease? Where does it come from? How to overcome it? How to fight it? If a doctor cured studies, would he cure friendship? If he cured friendship, would he cure family? And if he cured family, would he cure love? Would he cure hate? Which is the most important?

Listening to music which eases my soul now becomes pathetic because of every song I listen, there are…you…of everything I do, I see you… In the morning preparing breakfast for myself there I go tossing some sausages…and as I tossed, I remember the days were I use to prepare breakfast for you… Isn’t that a silly thing to think?.... I open a book to read and there I go thinking about how I use to neglect reading it and went jovially to see you… I walk down my stairs…and there I see myself carrying you on my back going up the stairs…laughing all the way up… And many dozen things I do…YOU pop into my mind… It isn’t a bad thing nor a good thing…coz happy memories were all I thought about…but those happy memories aren’t that happy went I am here all alone and grieving my way through life… From opening a door knob, to devouring my favorite meal, from walking down a street, to sleeping in my bed…there…there you are…haunting my life… From taking money out of my wallet, to watching tv…looking at

What have I done? To make you hate me? If not so, then why u speak, Of words that hurt me? What has happen to times? We smile out from our hearts, Where has those moments gone to? Not that I could not let go, But words and actions you do, Sometimes hot and sometimes cold, It hurts me badly to keep on guessing. Are you hot or just plain cool? A character of two, that continues to confuse… So let it be…only a character that exists… Let it be...as cold as can be...

Why am I so immature? Why aren’t I strong? I should be strong, For more obstacles awaits me, But I fail to be, Just as strong as I thought I could be. Words you spoke to me, Secrets that u told me, Things only we know, I always wonder, in my mind, Have you told another? Have you let it spread? Have you add black dots? In those words I spoke? In those actions I act, Have u talk of false gestures? Have you? I just wonder… A wonder......a thought……that kills me slowly…

My heart pounding each time i think of you, Beats so hard till is hurts so much, My Lips can't stop, chattering your name, And my mind wont stop, wondering about you. People running away from me, Avoiding the mouth i speak, The words i talked out, Nothing but S.U.S.A.N. S.U.S.A.N. Continiously i suffer, Suffer because of the pain u brought me, Why so much sorrow? All because of S.U.S.A.N. I wonder why i still think of you? I want no more of you but only a sincere friendship...and yet i continue to be so aware of your presence... I noe you have move on, and i do not expect u to be left behind...i do not want to hooked u back, but to let u go n b the person u want to be...be it that u r turning good or the other side...No more can i control u n tell u what to do...no more i want to be like a fool..for you... But yet i grant a sincere blessing to whomever you are with right now...never i hope for the worst to happen to you, my sis...understand that i have lost a part of me...and cou

have i let it come back? have i let that feeling stir in my fragile heart? have i allow all that suffering to conquer my soul? Has it come back? Once again, i let myself hurt, Let myself feel for the person who hurt me, I am a fool who does not let go of the past, A fool to let you walked past through my life. Hate i feel, at the same time i love, Hate to all did to me, Be it your ways were noble or not, Hate is just i feel as this feeling comes back.

Free! Hiding in the dark, In a room so bare, But only me who sits down there. I jumped into daylight, to start my day, Gather all my strenght, to fight through every barrier. Face up to every ups & downs, to let myself enjoy every single laughter, & to get myself away from frown, Joyous i am to be...free!

Hello people who reads this blog, i am opening a new blog which is D' side=www.nottymike.blogspot.com do feel free to check it out! Coz i will leave this blog to only writing poetric stuffs... N the new blog, will be MY BLOG... so check out the new blog k? thx

Arise... Teachers are now frustrated, While students are just drifting away, Be it a smart student, or a weak one, Everyone is just plain lost. Each and everyone finding their way back, Trying to figure what’s the next step? Struggling to fight laziness, Enjoying each moment that passes. People! Wake up! Let’s move forward, Do not let temptation drive us away, Let us all be strong for this few months only. -this poem is specified to me...n to those who face the same problems

Drift... Drift away to wondrland, Goung further and further, But was pulled back to face reality, To stand up and not hide. Wake up, do not sleep, my friend, Wake up and see, That there are still so many to be done, Do not continue to dream but rise up. Do not go further into darkness, Cast your eyes on the light in front, Run towards it and if u fall, Stand up my friend and continue to longed for the light.

Fooled Felt like being betrayed by someone you entirely trust on. I let myself loose, letting her come to my life without any resistance. Pouring out every single drop of love to her. How foolish of me… There wasn’t a wall that exists, not even a stone at our way. I’ve poured too much, and did not leave any room for “emergencies”. I did not leave any space for me to heal myself when being hurt. How foolish of me… Thinking that, I will be okay and nothing would go wrong…I let myself love with all my might, with all my strength…I love. Ha…people you are thinking that I’ve not let go..but actually I did…I am joyful and cheerful back to my own ME…REJOICE! In my last post ‘I Finally Understand’, I finally realize…I finally made it through. Thx a million to all my friends who stood by me… those whom I know, friends who never gave up on me…friends who tot they contribute a little, but actually helped a lot…thank you… You people have cheered my day up even with just a smile u provided me… You

i finaly understand... i come back to my cosy home... i took my shower n stood there-naked... i tot......n i tot hard...... i Finally RealizE. I am miserable bcoz i dun have sumwhere to belong to... Yes, i have friends that i can look to...But there isn't that bond between us...there isn't tat 'really good friend' feel...for example, there r many things v r not 'kap' in many sense... I have lots of friends that care for me...but they have their own budddies as well too... I can't go breaking their friendship up rite? there is no way i go into their lifes just like tat...it just isnt rite... My best bud isn't by my side...and i am not by hers as well... I am sure that during this period of time...we hav changed a lot... I am so afraid that we might not understand each other anymore--by the time she gets back... Here i am crying... Crying for a new friend... Crying to be belonged... Crying not to be lonely... I LOST ONE gud fren that i tot would LAST till

My mind is goin cuckoo from all d screaming from dear mum… Her ‘mental disease’ is back to haunt me… From now onwards till SPM I will not be getting any rest or a silent moment for myself… I won’t be able to read… I won’t be able to sleep… I won’t be able to think… I won’t be able to be happy!!! For every second n minute, I have to be attentive to what she says…if not she might burst into flames…if not her then me… I purposely go home late… I purposely hinder from all my shame… I purposely try to fake… I purposely runaway… I never want to be at home at this time of moment each time she goes nuts…I try to find a place to go…but where to when there is loads to be done? But where to when u r force to face reality that ur close sis has left you n ur close friend is a million miles away…I don’t tend to disturb my friend in Subang who is in quarantine, n she is also in her deep down mood of her own... All I want is to focus on my studies… But all this things happens so fast...I just need mor

BarrierS... First we went over a road full with pebbles, That hurt our feet when we walk on, Then we move up higher, to a stream full of rocks, That almost stops us from going on, All we want was to see the scene on top, So we move and kept going on, Till the end we reach our spot, It was worth it that we didn’t stop. See my dear; I am sure we can make it through, We’ve conquer almost all that came by our way, Why give up and let our relation end? Let’s fight through the very end.

SIdeWalK... We come up to each other, at the sidewalk, We slightly look at each other, nor do we talk, Not even a stare, not even a smile, nor a cheer, Why has it all turn out like this…this I fear. I am strong, I have to be, Why can’t you be, just as strong as me? Let’s go through this, This barrier we see. Let us all set free, Both our minds and heart, Let everything be as normal as can be, I am sure it is not that hard.

The thunderstorm has cleared, And after every rain, the rainbow appears, The sun shines trough my heart, It has mend me from within, from every cut. No more sorrow will fill this heart, My frustration are just dust, No more tears from those bruise and cuts, My pain has gone far away. My heart is let loose, From all your torture, My mind is free, Once again it works much better.

I made a mistake by reaching for the album, and took a glimpse at the photo we took together… I saw a great deal of happiness shared in the picture… but why do I feel so depressed? Should I not be satisfied instead? That I have had a significant moment with S*…Should I forget the moments we spend together? There I see our faces so cheerful I did not expect that we would ended up so fast... Your smile so perfect, its shines in the nite… You and i, holding each other closely, Our hearts are one, and you're all i want, STOP. everything is frozen, Its just a picture of you and me. Everything has change, but not in the picture, It still remain, the same till the future, Thus i hope, so is our friendship, Let it never break for eternity. Looking at those smiles, That happy couple, It will never come into your mind, that they soon didn't turned out fine. i miss you~

AlonE... How can you leave me here…All alone Facing my deepest fears…All alone Going through everything…All alone Here I am…All alone Can’t you see that I need you? Can’t you see that I love you? I really want you by my side, Right here, right this moment. All I need is your love, All I care about is you, Why are you so cruel, my love? Why can’t I stop loving you?

You and me in a fantasy, Has live to see, How cruel love can be... Maybe you have not notice, Of the scars you left in my heart, and that i am the least, Person you will put in your heart. so i hope that you will know, that my heart is pierced by a thousand knifes, my blood continuely flows, And has already ended up my life. Now that all is ruin, Now that i am dead, I walked in fantasy, To look for a new me..

should i or should i not? should i or should i not think of you? should i continue to longed for you? should i not stop wondering about you? should i or should i not? d clock is tickin', and time is burnin', here i am still thinkin', of you and me loving. should you not leave me alone? and let me live... should you understand the pain i go through... let me be, let me see, how wonderful life would be, without you to disturb me.

LOST... Lost in a world so dark, in a jungle so dense, No shoe to protect my feet, no food to eat, No strenght to go on like this! The route i took has vanish in front of me, For now that i can not see, How sensational the scene, At the top of the mountain would be. The ground beneath me i walk on, Under the sky, the stars, and the moon, There lies a girl with a broken smile, Withstanding the cold breeze at nite.

So close. so close to you i've been, so near my cheeks could even touch yours, being together as one, in a room so empty, Just you and me...together . holding you in my arms, gaze into your eyes, A thought came into my mind, "to love you with all my might". 3 and a half years has passed, of how we fell in love, try to recall the precious memories, its all nothing but a silly JOKE! time passes by so fast, its all in a glimpse of an eye, when we said Hi! now we say Bye!

ONCE AGAIN.. Living the days of my life, Only a tot on my mind, Vow to live my life, Even if you're not mine. Solemly i go through everything, Undenying my feelings, So long time have passed, A friend you are to me that last, Never i tot this moment gone so fast, Cherish our time together always, Hand in hand joyfull in all ways, Usher in love as i say, Nothing but happiness everyday, Giving up sorrow in everyway!

H.E.L.P. me... Help me, as im deeply in love with you, Help me, to forget you as u hav leave me, this feeling grows deeper, as time passes, Im weak, for i cant resist... So weak, So fragile... I AM WEAK, too difficult for me to push you away, there's no strenght left in me to stop thinking of our ways, Jzust lying down there, and our memories flip thru my mind, too tiring to fight the feeling i feel inside me. I AM FRAGILE, Almost shattered, by the cold words you speak, broken into pieces & cant be mend, I am not made of stone hard rock, my fragile heart, pounds continuely for you.

as time goes by... Although we have already parted, But yet we are still close at heart, All those time we had together, Will never be far from our hearts. As time goes by, Never let our memories fly, As I recall those times, Nothing but you on my mind. Parting is not always depressin’ I feel joy inside me just to c u smile, As I remember our shared moments, A smile Is always carved on my face. Thank you for giving me eternal joy, Nothing but sweet memories going through my mind, Joy and laughter, and no bitterness I suffer, Only u can give me all this.

Met you in a place, Over there I saw your face, Elegant and graceful you are, To suit you would be way too far. You opened your mouth & spoke to me, I was surprise & continue to see, The way you move, the way you talk, Have I fallen in love with you? Being together is too much to ask for, Just wanna be your friend is all I ask for, To go through ups & downs together, Just side by side & no further. Hope to see u again, 4 now & always, To share our lives in all ways, To enjoy our time in everyday, Let us not think of only today.

Misery from deep down inside, Nothing I see at sight, Not even a dimmed light, All so dark, the pain I fight. I really want you to know, How much I care 4 you, But you don’t seem to know, 4 I hide all my feelings 4 you. Fell so in love, Fell so hard on the floor, For now I’ve lost your love, Cause you had shut your door.

Emptiness I feel, All around me, Like a silent kill, That has taken me. Dark is my world. Hollow is my chest, Bring back light to me, Fill me with your love. All I feel is pain, My heart full of sorrow, No longer a free sparrow, But a bark, so hollow.

Greedy thief You ran away with all my love, Hundreds of bags, maybe thousands, You fill in your store, which may contain even more, Of my love 4 u forevermore You stole my smile, my happiness, My dreams & hopes shattered, I seek for your shelter, All you did was u took off faster. Caught in a prison, in a cell, Bars & chains, everything is like hell, So deep I am stuck in a well, Nobody to talk to and tell. I hurt myself even more, Just to cover up the pain u gave me, Instead, it all adds up, To create even more disaster.

A world of loneliness, So silent, so cold, nothing can survive, Except ME. Dumped here by the person I adore, To a land of ‘Forbidden Love’ No love is allow, Except me. Anger fills the air, A sense of betrayell and cruelty, Feel so real inside of me, Nothing can compare to the pain I feel, Struck by lightning, and banged by thunder, Once again I fell.. Down I go..into eternal darkness Bring me back, Show me your love, Catch me, please don’t let me fall, Hold me close to you.

Hurt…Hurted.. N now cured… A person full of hope & happiness, Walked through my life, Leaving soars & sorrow, To take her place. Now with full of soar & sorrow, I go through my days, Leaving my life with hate & pain, Cured? I supposed I am just hiding, Hiding from the truth, The truth bout my affection, - as my only one.

I feel comforted in your presence, Felt calm and love, Feel guilty if I’ve hurt you, Regretted every wrong doing I’ve done. You have made me drift towards the sea, Stay with me and let us see, And let us, let everything be, Hope that you can see how happy we’ll be. Loving you is the greatest choice I’ve made, Has change my life from within, I promise you I’ll not be fake, Promise you a happy ending. A day without you is like summer just pass, Need you by my side, to go through everything, No matter what happens, I promise to love you with all my heart.

I never knew, Knew that stars would shine, Even though we have part, Yet I feel so relieved. A burden I feel lifted up, A chain I feel broken loose, Songs of joy fill my heart, No more I feel like a fool. I m let loose like a flying bird, This feeling I could not explain, Of how joyous I m to be, From a prisoner to a flying dove. It’s obvious, I can’t be chained, I’ve free myself away from you, As I m a flying dove, I can’t be chained, Happiness comes flowing like a river.

As I m thinking of u, My heart hurts and soars, I don’t understand why? But it really hurts inside. I love you, I love you dearly, I love you till I hurt, Till I can’t love you anymore. Your actions, your expression, Hurts me even more, Pain I feel when you’re on my mind, Pain I feel deep down in my heart.

Everyday I go through life is like, An eternity of pain and suffering, All the time I try to fight, The sadness inside of me. All dignity is shame, All pride is disappointment, It is all my desire, But now has gone astray. Big dreams have barriers, And those barriers become larger As time is being delay, And work being unattend.

Laziness has taken over this body, It is now nothing but a useless brat, Simple things can’t be accomplish, Simple problems, can’t be solve. I suppose that it is now ruin, All dreams and plans, Shattered into pieces of glass, Into a million pieces. Sadness fills the place, Gloomy is the sky, And dull is my heart, All because of a stupid race. Fill my soul with joy and laughter, Fill my life with many friends, Fill my world with many achievements, But yet there is still something missing.

I don’t understand why? Why I treat you so bad? Why I never trust you? Why I always doubt you? Of all my loves, I love you the most, Of all my loves, I treat you the worst. Trust me, believe me, As I trust and believe you, Love me, hold me, As I love and hold you..

It seems that you mean nothing to me, But I really love you so, Though I feel so relieved, Yet I still miss you so. Though a stone has been lifted up, Yet maybe it was meant to be there, Though I feel happy, Yet maybe I am not. 2 months have passed, And it did not last, It is now the past, It happened so fast. It is not the end, But only our beginning, A great friendship, Will begin right now.